Tag Archives: Bi-Polar

Annoyed – Breathe In, Breathe Out ….

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I went to see my doctor about 6 weeks ago to plead with him to go on Vyvanse (medication to help stop binge eating). When I saw him I asked him to google it and he did,  I asked him to check if the drug doesnt interfere with my Bipolar meds and he did, he said that it didnt …. fast forward a month, I went to get a new script as it was still working great, he noticed that Vyvanse was an amphetamine and said to me “that is why you are feeling so great” and gave me another script for it

Fast forward a week, I went to see him for a Bipolar med script and after not bingeing for 33 days, I had binged two days in a row and asked him for a stronger mg Vyvanse just to get back on track again, welllllllll, he googled Vyvanse and told me it was an amphetamine and I need to go off it straight away and that it interferes with my antidepressant and he is  worried about the side affects and that I might drop dead BUT if another doctor prescribed Vyvanse to me then that would be ok (after telling me that I was like a daughter to him) if he was so worried about me then he, wouldnt want me to have them at all … he just wants to save himself (they were just extreme side effects). He told me to go home and meditate, that should help … that pissed me off

He left a message with my sister this evening saying he has a new script for me, a diet drug (WTF?)  … after telling him a billion times that I have a binge eating disorder and I want to recover, it isnt about losing weight

Ive enquired about going  back to an eating disorders clinic, im waiting to hear back from them … its not about going off Vyvanse, I just want someone to listen and medicate me with the right medications

Sorry for the rant, I just needed to get it out

Day 8 on Vyvanse

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I am still loving this medication, I havent thought about bingeing once, usually its at least a few times a day, im very impressed with it, the only side effect ive had is waking up alittle early but thats ok as im enjoying living right now. I have a calm mind but sometimes I do need to sit, close my eyes a rest for a few minutes, but thats just because ive overdone things and need a break

I dont ever remember feeling this way, I know I will still have ups and downs, im just enjoying the calmness right now

Life Is ….

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I started on the new Binge Eating Disorder  Medication (Vyvanse) four days ago the difference in my mind is amazing, the only side affect  is a dry mouth which isnt too bad, they dont seem to have any trouble with my bopolar meds either. It is also helping me with obsessive thoughts, I am so happy that I spoke to my doctor about this medication

I dont feel drugged out, my mind is calm, it isnt racing like before, I havent felt so good in a very long time, Its been 7 days since my last binge and I feel extremely  hopeful

Very Excited and Hopeful

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I went to see my doctor about this article I read the other day he said I could try it. I had to order it and will start using it the day after tomorrow, quite expensive $140 for 30 tabs but after 20+ years of bingeing and depression if it works or helps then it will be worth it

New Binge Eating Medication

Mind Full or Mindful?

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Mind Full or Mindful?

I try my hardest to be mindful, I even have a mindfulness tattoo on my hand to remind me, the last few days my mind has been so full of crap that I get tension headaches. I hate headaches more than anything … so today I have been practicing mindfulness and my mind has been somewhat calm again. I am a firm believer in meditation and/or deep breathing, it can help so much if we do it regularly, even just 5 minutes a day can help

My Life Is A Blank Canvas

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I need to stop thinking about getting my life back to how it once was, im a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, anorexic, bullimic .. im finally being treated for OCD and Bipolar, im doing fine on the medication. Its time to start a new life and be the person that ive never been able to be. Ive spent so much time thinking about and trying to recover that im missing out on life, I should be enjoying finding myself, learning new things … eating healthy (getting back to exercising when my knee is better) but getting to my natural weight instead of thinking that I need to lose “X” amount of weight before I can truely be happy or be the.person that I want to be The possibilities are endless! Life is good, its us that makes it complicated Im exicted about waking up in the morning, to see what tomorrow will bring (well for a person that is on crutches for another 5 weeks, it probably wont be much lol) Its time to just be

A Work In Progress

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A Work In Progress

And sometimes its one step backwards. I had my knee operation a couple of weeks ago, the surgeon ended up fixing more than he thought he could, instead of just cleaning out my knee, he could also stitch up the tears that I had, which means instead of just having a sore knee, I have to be on crutches, I thought maybe just for a couple of weeks but it will end up being 6 or 7 weeks in total. Which means no exercise 😦

Eating wise, OCD wise, Bipolar wise, I did well during and after the operation, I didnt have much anxiety due to all the changes in my life so I was happy that I was going so well in my recovery. The other night I fell over in the shower (silly me) and I hurt my shoulder, ribs etc, I was in pain, not only with my knee but my whole body. I went from “I can handle this” to ”How the hell am I going to survive another 5 weeks.” So I did what I usually do when I feel defeated, I binged, not a bad one but enough to make me feel as though I failed (I was 5 weeks binge free). Im proud to say that I didnt continue today like I would usually do, im back on track and happy about that.

I need to keep myself occupied as I tend to think about food moreso when im bored, I also need to enjoy the rest, its not something I usually do, im always on the go doing something.

Anxiety, Oh How I Hate You

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Anxiety, Oh How I Hate You

It has been two weeks since I binged last which is great for me, the new meds are working for now (thank goodness). My problem is, I have to have an operation on my knee this week and I drink energy drinks and im trying to cut down ( I also need to cut down on them) Ive been doing it gradually and have been doing great untill I got down to my desired amount, now my mind thinks im trying to torture it. I no longer have a calm mind, even meditation doesnt work

I decided toturing myself wasnt the best way to go about it, so I and alittle extra today and see if I can restart the process again tomorrow

Why oh why do we torture ourselves so much ….